I am enjoying the simple things in life at a distance. I say at a distance because Enjoli tested positive for Covid on 01/13. With this happening Eric very kindly and loving...kicked me to the curb. We decided it was best that I stay away in case it spread throughout the house. Which is easily done since the twins basically sleep on the floor every night anyway and lick the walls for fun. In my mind it is only a matter of time before they get sick. However, Eric without hesitation separated the kids, and kept Enjoli in the basement. Do not feel bad for her, this wasn't a Harry Potter situation...She had plenty of food and sanitizer. Eric and the other kids all tested negative a couple times and they were ready to go back to school. Enjoli had a runny nose and that was it. We are all thankful that was the worst of Covid. It was crucial that I stayed healthy because I got my port placed on Thursday, 1/20. If I tested positive, it could affect me on study as well as push the procedure back two weeks.
I stayed with my friend Jenna...and man...she is a great housemate and wifey. I had my coffee ready for me on Saturday and Sunday. All my meals were cooked, and snacks were prepared. I was asked, "oh...must be nice to be taken care!" well...um...Eric does that regularly, so I was just glad I didn’t have to do it myself and Jenna delivered without me even having to ask her. As I was being taken care of away from home, Eric was holding down the fort with all the kids and keeping them away from one another while making it fun. We got our nails done, went to dinner, I drank my wine, and played Animal Crossing with the kids. UGH, it's such a stupid game but I love it. I also had a ton of laughs with one of my dearest and closest friends. I enjoyed several conversations with Lindsey and Nicole, and Jenna, who are making this new reality comfortable for me and my family. We laughed, we made fun of each other, we drank, and we understood one another. My friend and sister-in-law Krystal is always Marco-Poloing me back. We have good conversations and go through life helping one another without judgement. I received several text messages, calls, and emails after I made my initial post on Saturday. I cannot describe the warmth and sense of safety it brought that me and my family are cared for.
Monday, I took a pre-procedure Covid test for port placement on Thursday, 1/20. My test came back negative on Tuesday, which affirmed that being away from home for a temporary amount of time, was really a good idea. I was all set to go on Thursday. To my surprise, I had to take the whole day off on Thursday. In my head I was thinking, I schedule patients for port placements and have them go to treatment after. I should totally be able to work after. However, to my surprise...I could not work after. In fact, I could not drive either. Being under this sedation was like having your wisdom teeth out. I was barely grasping the idea that wine, mules, and/or tequila were out of the picture. Now I can’t work?!…I actually really wanted to work. Eric could not be with me at all, so I was dropped off and picked up like a hot ass curbside to-go order. This is the first time I was heading home in a week. I was glad to be home and with my sweet children and happy puppies.
I have a few new and old friends that I have touched base with after being diagnosed. Reading their blogs or talking to them about their take on their treatment and how it has affected them, is truly eye opening. Especially to someone like me that is naïve and not ready to let something else attempt to control me. To those of you that have walked this walk, I appreciate you reaching out. Thank you for letting me reach out to you. I will continue to use you as resources and probably won’t stop. I think out loud and often talk myself into circles of dealing with the unknown. This cancer stuff is no joke. I appreciate your patience with me and time you have set out for answering my questions. Buuut...this port thing is pretty gnarly. I can feel it and once the swelling goes down, I should be able to see it.
Monday, January 24th I start my treatment. As I write this, Eric and I read through some of the I-Spy study info and learned about the arm of study I am on. All arms would include target therapy for me because of the HER 2+. The tumor alone is going to get chemo. This is how I understand it, so I could be wrong. The arm I’m on has targeted therapy to my HER 2 + receptor, I’ve named her, bitchy Belinda. She is just angry and emotional. So far off from my true personality. The tumor will get two types of chemo orally and I am uncertain on the timeline right now, his name is bastard Bernard. And together they create this little demon cancer child in my left boobie (I was going to say titty but decided to keep it PC and say boobie, both make me giggle). My MammaPrint results are in but I have no idea what the hell they mean. We will get much more information on Monday.
An end to an era. Mary Miller, this one’s for you! As I prepare for treatment in T-minus 24 hours, I am reminded how much I love Pinot Noir. Here is what was packed in my suitcase by Eric when he kindly gave me the boot. This sweet bottle has been amazing. Doesn't talk back, nor does it mind that it's been sitting on the counter airing out. I enjoy the sweet, sweet sound of a good uncorking...and then the pour. Oh the pour! This is damn good wine. I will survive without it but I am not happy about it. Naturally, I enjoyed as much as I could over the past 6 days. Mary, a mentor and friend taught me to be confident in everything I do, that I am valued, and gave me my first taste of red wine. It was with her birthday and she celebrated her big day by setting up a wine night to fundraise for Team Judy. The event was several years ago, and I remember there being two types of wine. A white wine (which I only drank a Riesling back then) and a simple house Pinot Noir. I, for whatever reason did not want to try the white so I went for the red. I remember Mary and Judy giving a short speech about the treatment Judy was going through and how we were all there to enjoy the simpleness of wine, friendship, and real conversation. I recall talking with Mary and her telling me to, “broaden my horizons…just try something new." Well... Cheers, Mary Miller! I enjoyed the rest of these 1.5 liters with you on my mind and in my heart. You have always been willing to help me and I am thankful for you...and the pinot noir you had at your party.
Thanks again for letting me write this out and process throughout the week. I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend and upcoming week. I have really found hope in the simple things this week.
Monday will be a long day but I know I am not alone. We start the day with consenting to the treatment plan for being on study. Followed by labs, Oncologist visit, RNCC teaching, then my first treatment. I am not sure what follows next...I suppose I just do whatever I want until I feel some type of side effect. What if I don't get any? Then I just go to work. If I get some icky sickness with it, then I guess I stay home. It will be a day by day decision. Thanks for everything!